The College Transition: Coping Strategies for Parents

As summer comes to a close, many parents and students are beginning to feel the anxiety of starting a new school year.

While many teenagers starting their first year of college are excited to begin a life of independence away from home, parents are often left feeling lost and confused about how to let go while still having a presence in their child's life.

To learn about how parents can cope with these life changes, Novi Patch talked to Dr. Melanie Schwartz, a licensed clinical psychologist with offices in West Bloomfield and Walled Lake who specializes in parent training, among other areas. She offered some advice of how parents can cope with sending a child to college.

Keep busy

As any parent knows, college is just one of the many life stages both you and your child will go through. Each stage is a transition, and finding coping strategies is the key to making a smooth transition, Schwartz said.

Schwartz defines a coping strategy as anything that helps distract you or calm you down.

“[Parents] have lived their lives a certain way for 18 years focusing solely on their child’s needs,” Schwartz said. “They need to learn how to focus on themselves.”

Figure out what you enjoy doing for yourself or as a couple and keep yourself busy as a way to adjust to having a child move away to college, Schwartz said. Whether you decide to go back to work, go back to school, start golfing or begin a new hobby, staying busy is a great coping strategy, she said.

Schwartz said it is also important to find a good support system. Some married units will find that one person is experiencing a giant loss and the other is not having as hard of a time. Talk with other parents and keep each other busy during this transitional period, Schwartz said.

Communicate expectations

“Parents also need to learn to communicate well with their child,” Schwartz said. “The sooner you begin an open communication based relationship, the better the chances are for the transition to go smoothly.”

Swartz that that it is important for parents to make their expectations of their child clear. Many parent-child relationships participate in what Schwartz refers to as “mind-reading” where both parties react in a certain way based on assumptions.

“A very open communication style with your children will help create a relationship where while you are physically apart, you are emotionally close,” said Schwartz.

Schwartz advises parents to imagine what this new life stage will look like, then try and implement ideas for the child. Also take into account what the child’s expectations are and compromise with them, she said.

Prepare for changes

“If you go into this new stage expecting no changes, that’s when you are going to end up having problems,” said Schwartz.

Even parents who have children going to college and living at home will find that a transition period happens, Schwartz said. The same communication rule applies when battling the tug and pull of expectations in a first year college student.

“Depending on how the first year goes, the second year should be a breeze if the communication is clear,” said Schwartz. “It’s important to be able to express your feelings to one another.”

An open relationship will allow your child to feel comfortable coming to you for advice and help and vice versa, she said.

“Great communication is hard, but if you can do it, you will see a successful transition,” Schwartz said.